Oh no, Sunday again...

Cheers Manchester.

Another Sunday spent feeling like shit,

At the bottom of a deep metaphorical pit,

Though the night before was an absolute pleasure,

(With me throwing up, thrown in for good measure).

Its been a long time since a Sunday was spent,

Not wondering where money and brain cells have went,

The difference this time as we sit there and fester,

We’ve changed our location, we’re now in Manchester.

While compared to some nights, this one was quite tame,

Some of us didn’t escape without shame

So it fell to me to make the first blunder

I crept round the corner for a tactical chunder.

With continuing affinity for those on the street

In another misguided but selfless feat

The hero of the homeless struck once again,

Bought a bottle of vodka for a brother in pain.

It’s definitely time we all learned our lesson

The frequency of events such as these is depressin’

We must find enjoyment in some other way

Fuck that, this Thursday is St. Paddy’s day.

Traveller (I'm drunk while posting this)

For Nicola (cuz)...

Spend 6 months saving every god damn penny

You’d think you’d have loads, but you don’t have many.

Regardless, forget it, ‘cus it’s time to leave

Around the same time, your folks start to grieve.

It’s not like you're dying, just going away,

Though you won’t be returning for many a day

You’ve got big, big plans to see all these places,

Eat all these things, and meet these new faces.

No matter how much you’ve dreamed about this

You’re never prepared for the feeling of bliss

As you walk off the plane and the heat hits your skin

Then the panic sets in, where to begin

There’s too much to see and not enough time

To prioritise things just feels like a crime

But you’ll find soon enough that you start to relax

Despite the huge weight you have on your backs

Two bits of advice for those going away

Be aware that some ladies are not as they say

But most importantly, pack in your kits

Something to fight the inevitable shits

A bit of a video

Did this back in uni...

Limerick of the day

A student from Pembroke once said:
'I'll take my mathematics to bed.
       My girl isn't willing,
       But I still want thrilling,
I'll integrate, quietly, instead.'


Andrew Stoker

Pat Ingoldsby

Another classic from Pat. It's called Polio (for Nick)...

Polio

You did your worst,
I did my best,
and I walked.
So fuck you!


Legend

Don't play with fire...

This one goes out to Sarah Corcoran, at her request...

Here’s a novel new way to extinguish a fire

If your lungs are just not up to the task

Just take one drunk girl and swiftly apply’er

I assure you this works, but please, don’t ask

gtoner

A Limerick Semi-Sonnet...

As requested by Sam 'the hutch' Hutcninson.... A sonnet about Limerick (not quite a sonnet, but fuck that, have you ever tried to write a sonnet?)

In England people know about Limericks

But they know bugger all of the town

It’s reputations is that it’s full of dicks

No shortage of gangs, running around

It has been given the nickname ‘stab city’

Having worked hard to earn it for many a year

Although really that nickname’s a pity

For there’s so many ways that you could die here

I will admit this is slightly unfair

It’s got one or two things to redeem it

It’s got roads that lead to Kerry and Clare

And a place is as good as you deem it

However I’ll tell you this one thing for free

From Cornwall, right up to the highlands

I’d rather live in Limerick you see

‘Cus at least it’s on the right island

gtoner

Limerick(s) of the day (brotherhood)

I found myself a little book of limericks a while ago. I couldn't decide on one, so here's two:

A young schizophrenic named Struther
When informed of the death of his brother
Said, 'Yes it's too bad,
But I can't feel too sad -
After all, I still have each other.'

ANON.


An amoeba named Sam and his brother
Were having a drink with each other;
In the midst of their quaffing,
They split themselves laughing,
And each of them now is a mother.

ANON.

Ameoba jokes never fail...

Suicidal Superhero

Have you ever looked up to see superman fly
and wished you had the balls to give it a try
Then you realise that superman's starting to fall
it's a father for justice, ending it all...

gtoner

I mean no offence but...

As I sit in an office and take people in

Robot sardines packed into a tin

It’s striking how few people really stand out

As for genuine craic, there’s a terrible drought.

Yet surely these people have lives of their own

Whether living it up, or living alone

Maybe they have families, living in bliss

Give their robot wives a robot kiss

I’m aware that in work people tend to play down

The fact that they might be a ‘man about town’

Any interesting secrets are kept under wraps

Safe from sideways glances from god fearing chaps

In a room of one hundred there should easily be

Forty affairs and the odd divorcee

At least three of these people are terminally ill

And a few have secretly popped the odd pill

I refuse to believe that nobody here

Has been hospitalised through consumption of beer

But if inwardly people are how they appear

To appear as they do is my ultimate fear.

gtoner

Pat Ingoldsby

This guy is a poet from Dublin. He is semi-homeless and his poems rarely rhyme, but we'll hold neither of these things against him because he's a bit of an awkward genius. This one's for all you English boyos. It's called Brittania:

It is not in the Irishman's nature
to cover the grass when it rains
and run for shelter.
Then the civilisers came
and taught us cricket.

And didn't you teach us well...

It was a good year...

It may seem to you that we always drink wine
And it may come across as a worrying sign.
Do not look down and don't bare any grudges
For most of the time we're all sober as judges.

We're articulate, wonderful, charming creatures
With many amiable, endearing features,
As we talk many high brow topics are reached
And the highest intellectual summits are breached.

We are not just run of the mill for our age
We're far more advanced than most at this stage
The occasional wine helps to loosen our tongue
And bring back the memories of when we were young.

I'm inclined to ignore what anyone thinks
On account of the fact that I've had a few drinks
But if over-consumption of wine is your fear,
Fear not, from now on we're all drinking beer.

gtoner - Rezzo classic collection

Limerick of the Day

There once was a woman in labour
The result of a night with her neighbour
Her husband then said I
Am glad I'm a Jedi
And dealt with him with his light saber

gtoner

All the fun of a Sunday Afternoon

All of this is completely true...

Although memories of events were significantly blurred,

They knew some notable occurrences occurred.

The following day it did not seem to matter,

They’d prefer to feel human than have fuel for their chatter.

But they did what they did and would now spend a day,

In a body that hates them in more than one way,

Not just the intensity of their physical pain,

But the hangover guilt that’s plaguing the brain.

In an attempt to distract them from their current condition,

They thought of the previous night of attrition.

One by one, memories were recalled,

Some were welcome, others appalled.

Without going into it in too much detail,

Here’s what their memories would start to unveil;

There was projectile vomiting in the direction of strangers,

The theft of a cushion, which brought its own dangers.

The cushion was smuggled into the next venue,

Where random hugging of strangers seemed to be on the menu.

When they finally decided the night was complete,

One made a friend who lived on the street,

After an hour of chatting about the guys plight,

He was invited for dinner on Monday night.

They finally managed to get through the door,

At somewhere approaching half past four,

You’d think that’d be a good time for bed,

But the xbox was on so they played that instead.

So as they sat with their heads feeling like they had split,

They’d come to agree that they all deserved it.


gtoner

Preblog

I think before I launch into blogging to the billions of people on the internet (or the few sympathetic friends willing to entertain the drivel I produce), I should explain the point of the blog.

To be honest I'm not entirely sure there is one. I do enjoy writing the odd poem. Generally they're not serious in either content or topic, but I might surprise you. I also like the sound of my own voice, so for the good of noise pollution I'm going to try to write some things down instead.

I tried something like this before on that once beloved platform, Bebo. I started my own religion, gained myself a number of followers, and set myself up as the figurehead of the whole operation. It became something of a disaster. I couldn't handle the pressure of my 'flock' relying on me for sustenance and I had to give it up, leaving them without direction. I don't want a repeat of this, so I would ideally like people to contribute something of their own, either as comments or e-mails to me and I'll post them for you (and give you the credit obviously). I'd like it to be a communal effort.

I'm not sure whether you have to sign up to be able to comment, but it's very easy. If you have a google account you just use that.

We went through a nice little phase in the workplace where there were poems and Limericks flying back and forth. It was all very exciting, if a little abusive.

That'll do. We'll see how it goes. It might be a bit of craic...